Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I seriously need to develop more serious friendships up here. I am desperate.

How the fuck can I be homesick from a town that brought me so much hell?

I hate practically everyone from back home. All of the friendships that didn’t just fall out but turned into downright betrayals of trust. That’s all that characterizes my hometown and it fucking haunts me. I just want to cry. I hate all of them. They are all so blind.

I only have five close friends back home. Five. I barely talk to them in college. If I do, I’ll miss them too much - not like college allows us enough time for any of that anyway. But if I don’t? I have no roots, no home, no sense of security, and that’s what I’ve been desperately needing all this time.

I hate everything. I don’t feel at home anywhere. I go home and I pick up where I left off. I stay here and everything’s stagnant.

Someone, please, just be my friend. I can’t do this anymore. I hate reality and I don’t want to face it. I’m growing up, I’m getting older, and the real world is pressing more and more on me. I’m just becoming more and more isolated.

I already need another new start and my first year of college, 8 hours away from home, isn’t even over yet.